10 Trends Women Hate that Men LOVE!

teen-heat:

1. Backwards Baseball Caps

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Boys, we know this look brings back memories of the early days — going to baseball games with your deadbeat fathers as a wide-eyed children. But here’s the deal: if you aren’t at a baseball game, ditch the hat. You look like a date rapist. If you are a date rapist, don’t ditch the hat. This will help us identify you better.

2. Not Showering

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We get it. Soap is slippery. But no woman wants to smell your B.O. or come anywhere near your oily hair. If you want to avoid the need to shower, follow this tip.

Pizza for dinner? DON’T blot the pizza grease in your hair! It may seem like a good idea (and great for the environment), but the risks outweigh the benefits.

3. Fedoras

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We’ve said it time and time again. Fedoras aren’t cool. Next.

4. Brown Flip Flops

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Brown flip flops are the sweatpants of footwear. If you’ve been trying to fool people into perceiving you as stylish, the jig will be up the moment you slip on your favorite pair of brown dad-wear shoes. Besides, you probably got them at Target. Or Ron Jon’s Surf Shop when you forgot your shoes at the beach that one time.

5. Basketball Shorts

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If you’re wearing basketball shorts to the grocery store or the post office, there’s a 99% chance that you don’t play basketball. Huge basketball shorts are basically long skirts for men. Admittedly, they’re probably breezy, but you’d look way less ridiculous if you were wearing a REAL skirt. These things are just flat-out ugly. Why wear a tent? Basketball shorts make your thighs look like a campground for vermin. Or a circus. Depending on how often you don’t shower, it could be a flea circus.

6. Pink Polo Shirts

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Nothing says “I’m not in touch with my feminine side” like a pink polo shirt. Pink polos are a misplaced attempt at wooing the ladies — yes, we know what you’re trying to do, and no, it is not working. Any fool can slip on a Lacoste shirt and pop the collar. Without facetiousness, I can ascertain that your mom was probably thrilled when you asked her to buy one of these bad boys for you in high school. In high school, pink polos were the peak of male maturity, but now it’s time to move on.

7. Old Navy Jeans

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Really? REALLY?? 

I can’t believe Old Navy is still in business. Listen, guys: Old Navy jeans are HIDEOUS. Like, really hideous. Women who shop at Old Navy look like seventh grade language arts teachers — men who shop at Old Navy look like seventh graders.

8. Socks and Sandals

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There are few things in this world as unappetizing as a sock-and-sandal foot sandwich. This is one of those things that popular athletes got away with in high school, either because they had practice before school or after. Because of their social status, no one ever called them on it, but SOMEBODY should have. Thank God I’m calling you out right now.

9. Axe Body Spray

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Excluding medical complications, he number one leading cause of death for women is male violence. The second leading cause of death is your body spray, probably.

Like I said earlier, showers are difficult and soap is slippery, so we do appreciate you trying. But please, try harder. A can of noxious sea lion pheromones will never replace a good old-fashioned shower. 

10. Madras Shorts

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Madras shorts went out of style in 2008. Unless you’re going golfing at the club with your estranged father and new stepmom, these should never see the light of day. With the exception of maybe yachting with your grandparents, there is no excuse for these patchy crotch-quilts to go on a walk with you anywhere. 

10 Trends Women Hate that Men LOVE!

teen-heat:

1. Backwards Baseball Caps

image

Boys, we know this look brings back memories of the early days — going to baseball games with your deadbeat fathers as a wide-eyed children. But here’s the deal: if you aren’t at a baseball game, ditch the hat. You look like a date rapist. If you are a date rapist, don’t ditch the hat. This will help us identify you better.

2. Not Showering

image

We get it. Soap is slippery. But no woman wants to smell your B.O. or come anywhere near your oily hair. If you want to avoid the need to shower, follow this tip.

Pizza for dinner? DON’T blot the pizza grease in your hair! It may seem like a good idea (and great for the environment), but the risks outweigh the benefits.

3. Fedoras

image

We’ve said it time and time again. Fedoras aren’t cool. Next.

4. Brown Flip Flops

image

Brown flip flops are the sweatpants of footwear. If you’ve been trying to fool people into perceiving you as stylish, the jig will be up the moment you slip on your favorite pair of brown dad-wear shoes. Besides, you probably got them at Target. Or Ron Jon’s Surf Shop when you forgot your shoes at the beach that one time.

5. Basketball Shorts

image

If you’re wearing basketball shorts to the grocery store or the post office, there’s a 99% chance that you don’t play basketball. Huge basketball shorts are basically long skirts for men. Admittedly, they’re probably breezy, but you’d look way less ridiculous if you were wearing a REAL skirt. These things are just flat-out ugly. Why wear a tent? Basketball shorts make your thighs look like a campground for vermin. Or a circus. Depending on how often you don’t shower, it could be a flea circus.

6. Pink Polo Shirts

image

Nothing says “I’m not in touch with my feminine side” like a pink polo shirt. Pink polos are a misplaced attempt at wooing the ladies — yes, we know what you’re trying to do, and no, it is not working. Any fool can slip on a Lacoste shirt and pop the collar. Without facetiousness, I can ascertain that your mom was probably thrilled when you asked her to buy one of these bad boys for you in high school. In high school, pink polos were the peak of male maturity, but now it’s time to move on.

7. Old Navy Jeans

image

Really? REALLY?? 

I can’t believe Old Navy is still in business. Listen, guys: Old Navy jeans are HIDEOUS. Like, really hideous. Women who shop at Old Navy look like seventh grade language arts teachers — men who shop at Old Navy look like seventh graders.

8. Socks and Sandals

image

There are few things in this world as unappetizing as a sock-and-sandal foot sandwich. This is one of those things that popular athletes got away with in high school, either because they had practice before school or after. Because of their social status, no one ever called them on it, but SOMEBODY should have. Thank God I’m calling you out right now.

9. Axe Body Spray

image

Excluding medical complications, he number one leading cause of death for women is male violence. The second leading cause of death is your body spray, probably.

Like I said earlier, showers are difficult and soap is slippery, so we do appreciate you trying. But please, try harder. A can of noxious sea lion pheromones will never replace a good old-fashioned shower. 

10. Madras Shorts

image

Madras shorts went out of style in 2008. Unless you’re going golfing at the club with your estranged father and new stepmom, these should never see the light of day. With the exception of maybe yachting with your grandparents, there is no excuse for these patchy crotch-quilts to go on a walk with you anywhere. 

Anonymous: i love your poems

thank you very much

teen-heat:

there is nothing better than looking out the window of a dark room at night and seeing the greyish pinkish golden glow of a snowy sky and soft white droopy branches

i wish the world was always this quiet

teengrrrlsquad:

been listening to the smiths again
teengrrrlsquad:

i have to write a poem about how to write poetry this is a nightmare
i just think if you aren’t reading your poetry out loud or you aren’t famous poetry is so embarrassing it’s like “here you go everyone please read my mind and make fun of me”
if i ever finish this it will be a testament to my mental health 
Anonymous: you are amazing and inspiring

thank you very much, this means the world to me.

queen of the psych ward

hospital gown sway

dead eyes, telephone cord

wristband like a lei

teen-heat:

ALT LIT